Chun/Ella – Dear Chun

Dear Chun

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 1 : Do You Know?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A click.

A whirring sound.

“Testing. One. Two. Three. Testing.”

A throat clearing. A soft sigh. A gentle creaking.

“Remember the first day we met? I was ten-years-old and sitting in the corner of the ballroom. I was the classic ugly duckling surrounded by a sea of swans. I didn’t belong. I knew it. My mother was scolding me for getting my dress dirty. My hair was escaping its prison of ribbons. I had a scratch on my arm and streak of dirt on my cheek.

You weren’t much older. Your mom pushed you over to talk to me. I know you didn’t want to talk to some little girl with cooties, but you were too polite to let on with words. I knew though. Do you know how I knew? That’s because no one ever wanted to talk to me. People were always telling me I was boring. I tried to be nice. I told you to go away. I tried to set you free. But you ignored the demand and sat down next to me. You started talking to me about the game you were playing on your gameboy. And then you forced me to play with you. I lost. You laughed. I pouted. And then you gave me a piece of candy. Do you know I still have the wrapper?”

A near-silent movement in a chair. A shifting.

“All throughout our childhood we were thrown together. I guess it was just our luck that there were no other kids in our parents’ group of friends or business associates. I got used to you. Before long … I started to look forward to seeing you. Parties that had previously been purgatory became heaven.

Do you know that as pathetic as it sounds, I began to consider you a friend long before you considered me anything more than the pest you had to put up with at those parties? I know, I know. I bugged you a lot. But you made everything tolerable. When I was that small 10-year-old … as I went through awkward puberty and slipped into early womanhood. All through those awkward stages you were there … always happy … always shining … always handsome. And you talked to me like I was an individual … someone with her own thoughts … own ambitions and dreams. Up until then I had only ever been an extension of my parents. People only talked to me or pushed their children at me because they wanted favors from my parents. But not you. I loved that about you.”

A beat of silence. A moment of hesitation. A soft sigh and then a sound of determination.

“Do you know the exact moment I fell in love with you? I don’t. I don’t know when I fell in love with you. When did my heart start beating in anticipation? When did I stop wanting to play with you but rather want to do more intimate things? When did I start … wanting to breathe in your scent … touch your warmth … soak in your personality? When did I start wanting something more? I guess what I really want to know is … when did I grow up?

I told myself it was useless. I tried to talk myself out of it. I knew it was hopeless. I knew that I was dreaming big dreams. I used to talk to myself for hours before meeting you. I would tell my heart to stop beating so hard. I would tell my breath to remain calm. I told my cheeks to stop blushing. I told my body not to betray me, lest you know the truth. But my body ignored me. I was the classic girl with a crush. And you … you were oblivious.

I would say that was a good thing, but for the reason. You didn’t see my crush because you didn’t see me as a woman. I was a buddy. I was a friend. I was one of the guys. I was never … I was never a woman for you. You were never more blind to anything than the fact that I truly was a woman with a woman’s needs. Not to be too coarse, I had the breasts … I had the other parts … but you never saw that part of me. Why, damn it?”

A soft hiccup. A gasp. A swallow.

“I don’t know why I’m crying over that now. I thought I had accepted it a long time ago. But it’s this damn heart. It just won’t listen.

When our parents arranged our engagement … of course for business reasons … when they did that, it was the happiest day of my life. We would be married. We would be together. We would be linked forever. You might not have loved me, but I knew … I knew that you didn’t love anyone else. I knew that you wouldn’t stray once you married … you would remain faithful. You would be steadfast and keep your vows.  You would be a good father. A good husband.

And I … I would have the right to stand by your side. I would have the right to hold your hand. I would have the right to hold you at night and make love with you. I would have your children. I would support you and you would turn to me when you needed someone. You would ask me for advice. You would talk to me. You would value me. That was enough for me. Do you know that it really was enough?”

A sniffle.

“But then I got that misplaced message. Why did I pick up the phone that day? Why did I have to hear her words? Why did I have to hear her grief? Her tears? Why did I have to hear her breaking heart? Why did I have to hear … and know … and realize that our relationship might be enough for me … but it wasn’t fair to you or to that woman? Do you know how hard I fought that knowledge? I told myself that the world isn’t fair. That we don’t all get what we want. That we all have to compromise, but only one truth kept pushing at my consciousness until I finally had to accept it.

I … I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have everything you ever wanted in the world. I wanted you to have the perfect love. I wanted you to have the perfect life. I wanted you to be eager when you went home every night because you were going home to the woman you loved. You were going home to your children with her. I wanted you to … have more than just enough.

I also knew you were too honorable to break the engagement. You had given your word and you would never break it, even if it meant breaking your own heart. So, I did it for you.”

A soft laugh. A chuckle over an amusing memory. A hiccup.

“Do you know my knees were literally shaking when I walked into the office that day? When we were talking I had to constantly tell myself to calm down. I had to find the right words, otherwise you would let honor rule the day. I told you I wasn’t happy. I told you I wanted us to marry for love. I told you that if we presented a united front to our parents, we could gracefully back out of the engagement without destroying the merger. I told you that we could work together and nothing would change. After all, there were no … emotions involved. You finally agreed.

And it worked out. Our parents agreed. The engagement ended. The merger went through. It was business as usual. A month later I got the invitation.”

A crinkle of paper. A tearing sound.

“This invitation. I don’t know why I keep the pieces lying around me. It’s not like I need a reminder. You’re getting married. Quietly. A few close friends. Blah blah blah. You want me to be there. And I’ll be there. Quietly supporting you and now that’ll have to be enough.

……………………

I hate you for that. Why couldn’t you love me? Why couldn’t you … No … no that’s not fair. I have no right to ask that. You can’t love made to order. The heart loves where it will.

……………………

It wasn’t unexpected. It wasn’t a surprise. But it was something that I had been dreading. It was a slap in the face. It was the murder of my dreams. You can’t easily forgive a murderer. It takes time.

So, tomorrow … tomorrow I’ll see you get married. I’ll raise my glass in a toast. I’ll bring a present. And then I’ll leave early. And life will move on. But, God, I’ll love you forever, you bastard.”

A tapping of fingers. An opened drawer, quickly shut. Footsteps.

“I wonder though … I still wonder … what was that look I saw in your eyes that day? When I told you that I wasn’t happy? What was that flash of anger? When I told you that I wanted to marry for love and that there were no emotions involved … what was that look in your eyes? Sometimes I still ask myself …

Yes, what is it?”

“Madam, your assistant is here.”

“Oh, thank you for letting me know. Butler Yan?”

“Yes, madam?”

“Could you take this recorder? I was trying it out for the company’s use, but I don’t think it’s satisfactory. Destroy the tape and leave the recorder in my room.”

“Yes, madam.”

“Thank you. Now, Assistant Gu, I want to go ove—.”

Click.

To Be Continued…

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48 thoughts on “Chun/Ella – Dear Chun”

  1. I don’t know why I’m crying when I should be laughing – or maybe cheerfully throttling both characters’ necks ;D I’m so jealous, how on earth can you write such good stories?

  2. this was at least the 11th time I read this whenever I have a free time, i just love this and I can’t seem to get enough of this story…i hope you’ll update Dreamer and Right in Front of Me soon! Good Luck to your stories! you inspire me with your writings and I am hoping that my love story would be very much like your stories-so sweet!!!

  3. Waaa! I was just out lurking around Winglin, searching My Only Angel once again. I saw the last link and landed here on your blog. I really love this story…it`s so unexpected and unique all throughout.

  4. clever storyline…i really thought that chun had finally made his vow to another woman…you got me there!…im totally blown away with CE love here…sweet chun!
    more CE ff please…thanks in advance!!!
    i already bookmarked your site…hehe..

  5. awww, i love this short story!!
    i can feel Ella`s pain.. i cried while reading it.. LOL
    i really love the ending!! i love it so much!! very sweet~~~
    i hope you`ll write another CE story..haha^^

  6. HAHA he tricked her. I had a feeling it was that way but then again I wasn’t sure. Good thing it was a test of love. I love this story. Well hurry and write another please.

  7. Nice ending I super love it. At least they were able to clear things out….Thank you again for sharing with us this lovely story..hope to see you soon in wingling.
    Thanks

  8. ahh! love it so much!!! more stories!!! please? haha. this is such a beautiful one. i actually love how you wrote it. :] haha. good luck on your upcoming stories.. (if there’s any) haha.

  9. You make me feel so insatiable every time I read any of your stories. How calculating Chun was, but he didn’t realize how selfless Ella was. It was absolutely beautiful, the ending. If only your stories could be movies or a drama series. I would be so high hehe! Thank you for sharing this with us and I look forward to your others. I hope you write more Xi Men & Xiao You fics too, yours are the best I’ve read.

    As always
    JIA YOU<(^_^<)
    Christa

  10. I absolutely loved this story! Even though it was only 3 chapters, it was amazing. I was actually crying at the end because I wanted them to be together.

    Awesome short story and I can’t wait for more to come about Chun and Ella =)

  11. Just came back from a trip and the first thing that I did was to check for your update. You updated! I love the happy ending. Never thought that it was an act on Chun’s part. Any chance of an epilogue? Heehee…

  12. I’m your fan and CE’s too. I loved My Only Angel and I’m so glad that you have another story. You have such a wonderful gift of writing.

    Fervently waiting for the next update…please don’t make us wait too long…thanks!

  13. i saw your note in winglin…. thus i followed you here and i made a right decision in doing so….

    i’m so in love with your story and hopefully you can update soon….

  14. Very well written. I’ve read the 2 chapters like 4 times! I really like how you made Ella revealed her feelings through the recorder and that as if she’s talking to Chun. The part where Ella said ‘I..I wanted you to be happy…..to have more than just enough’ was deeply touching. I could feel her selfless love for Chun.

    Please don’t make us wait too long for chapter 3 yah “)

  15. I love the way how you portray Ella’s pain, it seems so real. It even made me cry already, haha. And that’s a good thing. (:

  16. hi there! I’ve read My Only Angel in winglin before and loved it so much. You have a great story going on in here. I wish to see the next update! haha.

  17. Hey there! I am so glad that I will be able to read another one of your stories starring Chunella. So far I am really enjoying it so i hope you keep up with all the good work! Update soon. 🙂

  18. I read “My Only Angel” on Winglin and thought it was such an amazing CE fanfic. This story is just as good. I hope to see further updates 🙂

  19. so far so good… i think ir u put it on winglin ppl will read it but idk… that’s my opinion… but keep updating…

  20. Hi there, finally you’re back in writing. I’m glad that you informed you’re winglin readers of this new CE story and I love the flow of the story. I’m very much eager to read the next chapter. Hope you can update soon. Thanks

  21. i’m an avid follower of my only angel and i’m glad that you’re writing another chunella fan fic 🙂 update soon and keep up the good work

  22. I rather like this little one. It’s very emotional. I was feeling Ella’s pain and getting upset as she danced in his arms. Looking forward to more.

  23. Waa !!! don’t leave me hanging …
    love your new story so much,
    can’t wait for the next update,
    pls inform me if there is an update,
    thank you, your story made my day,

  24. hi again! ignore my other comment, hehe!
    I’m so glad you’re writing again!
    I love the first two chapters. I hope you could update soon! 😀

  25. I’m so happy I’m floating on cloud 9…hahaha
    Seriously, You don’t know how happy to see you write another story with Chun & Ella. You have such a great gift with your writing, that inspires me to want to be a better writer myself.
    I’m enjoying this short story, so I look forward to updating again.

    JIA YOU<(^_^<)
    Christa

    1. Let me elaborate, because I always wanted say this. You have the ability to make me linger on a certain word or dote in a certain moment. I’ve read your Xiao You & Xi Men fic 3times and My Only Angel 6times before you actually finished. So know I love your work. You can always do legal work as your daily job and then consider being 2009’s Danielle Steel by publishing some of your writings. I would so buy!!

      Okay later ^_^

  26. I’m glad you wrote another story! Really love your previous story and this one of course. Can’t wait for the next update!

  27. i just saw this one, good thing you posted the link again in winglin. You have this power to make me want more. So freaking addicting. :>:>

  28. I am one of ur reader in winglin and am so glad that u posted there to let us know bout ur writing ^_^

    Well… the ending makes me wanting for more ^^
    Fav your blog now…. Cant wait for your next update

  29. hai there!
    i’m a big fan of ur story “my only angel”…
    LOL… i’m just a silent reader in winglin, reading all CHUNELLA ff’s there, coz bfore i don’t know how 2 write and drop some comments there…
    but a big TY 2 my frend coz she told me so..
    hehehe^^
    ahmm, back 2 ur stories, i just love the style of how u write it…
    it’s just ur words are attracting people 2 read it, and thats true…

    ahmm, i’ll leave another comment for ur story if i’ll finish reading it…
    hope my comment inspired u…
    thankz for sharing such good CE and other FF’s of urs!

  30. I’m glad to see that you are writing again.

    You haven’t lost your touch! Chapter one leaves me wanting more.

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